I remember the drift. It caught us off guard. My wife and I were both like what's happening?... It was right around the time our kids were 3 and 1.
In response to the drift we had conversations about what we needed in our relationship, then I made a game of it! Handwritten love letters every week for 20 weeks.
That's the way we deepend our bond and turned up our intimacy.
Lesson remembered, vulnerable conversation is key.
Lesson learned, creative ingenuity in, and for, the relationship is vital.
I love how you wrote that the shift into parenthood should move us both deeply and change us. I feel we are slowly slowly slowly acknowledging the time it takes for mothers to heal their bodies and reacquaint themselves with their new transformed selves after stepping through the birth portal (though maybe I’m just in a bubble and it’s not actually being as widely seen as I hope) but I really miss an open conversation and a rite of passage for men that become fathers. Here in the US there seems to be only the religious view of what fatherhood and family life “ought” to look like, but no actual honesty surrounding the emotions that may arise for a man - or for the couple. We all get stuffed under the umbrella of what a “happy marriage”, or happy relationship looks like vs embracing the journey, and there is little room for honesty that when two lovers choose to co-parent there are going to be as many hard moments as there are beautiful ones. Societally we seem to avoid the willingness to talk about the hard, because there is no “room for (perceived) failing” in this competitive capitalist structure.
My partner and I were a multi-cultural, military couple before adding kids and before realizing on of them had a rare genetic disease. I feel that our cultural differences have forced us to always openly explore our differences with a kind openness that has set us up well. Pointing out and talking about the really cute moments, those tiny sweet things the kids do or say even amidst the crazy is helping us to remember why we chose to make these babies and even just revisiting that sacred place of co creation in our bodies for a moment can often shift everything.
I remember the drift. It caught us off guard. My wife and I were both like what's happening?... It was right around the time our kids were 3 and 1.
In response to the drift we had conversations about what we needed in our relationship, then I made a game of it! Handwritten love letters every week for 20 weeks.
That's the way we deepend our bond and turned up our intimacy.
Lesson remembered, vulnerable conversation is key.
Lesson learned, creative ingenuity in, and for, the relationship is vital.
Love the creative solution!
I so feel the drift but we haven’t yet found a solution and three babies in the drift has almost taken us to different islands 🌻 very keen for Part 2!
Part 2 is now published :) let me know your thoughts!
I love how you wrote that the shift into parenthood should move us both deeply and change us. I feel we are slowly slowly slowly acknowledging the time it takes for mothers to heal their bodies and reacquaint themselves with their new transformed selves after stepping through the birth portal (though maybe I’m just in a bubble and it’s not actually being as widely seen as I hope) but I really miss an open conversation and a rite of passage for men that become fathers. Here in the US there seems to be only the religious view of what fatherhood and family life “ought” to look like, but no actual honesty surrounding the emotions that may arise for a man - or for the couple. We all get stuffed under the umbrella of what a “happy marriage”, or happy relationship looks like vs embracing the journey, and there is little room for honesty that when two lovers choose to co-parent there are going to be as many hard moments as there are beautiful ones. Societally we seem to avoid the willingness to talk about the hard, because there is no “room for (perceived) failing” in this competitive capitalist structure.
My partner and I were a multi-cultural, military couple before adding kids and before realizing on of them had a rare genetic disease. I feel that our cultural differences have forced us to always openly explore our differences with a kind openness that has set us up well. Pointing out and talking about the really cute moments, those tiny sweet things the kids do or say even amidst the crazy is helping us to remember why we chose to make these babies and even just revisiting that sacred place of co creation in our bodies for a moment can often shift everything.
Thanks so much for sharing your experience!